Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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