My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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