thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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