can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
