the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
