i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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