...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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