I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just fell off a train. Bad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
