Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
