careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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