Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
