My girlfriend figured out who you are.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
