I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
