She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
