You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Fuck appropriateness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
