I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
