i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
