You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
