she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
