Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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