11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
