I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
