community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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