Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
