3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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