do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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