did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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