I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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