Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
