the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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