I love black thongs
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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