The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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