I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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