my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
