Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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