Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
