Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
