i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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