So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize