And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
