I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
