New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
