my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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