My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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