This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
