Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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