My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize