That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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