Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
