I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
