it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
