sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
