Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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