she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
