awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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