At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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