i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
