i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
