soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
