If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
