I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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