I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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