Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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