even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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